Strawberries and Cream
by shadows-of-flame
Summary: Lulu and Wakka's wedding is coming up, but when you put Auron in charge, and Rikku on dessert duty, what are you going to come up with? A big mess. AuronxRikku. TidusxYuna. LuluxWakka.
1. Phase 1: Cream

Strawberries and Cream  
A fic for raffi  
By shadows/of/flame  
Genre: Humour, and like 2 seriousness 

My friend on LJ was feeling down, so I wrote this fic! Not to be taken seriously XD.

* * *

"Yunie! Come on, I need the cream for Wakka and Lulus wedding cake right now! Or the icings going to set!" 

Yuna grumbled as her younger cousin yelled out to her yet again, making her drop the stack of name tags she had been, until a few seconds ago, holding.

Everyones nerves were running high as Lulu and Wakka, the first out of the group of friends, were to be wed the next day, and the last minute touches were being put on decorations and misc.things like that while they still had the chance.

OF course, Auron, being the big "meanie" that he was, had taken order of everything (at Yunas orders) and had given Rikku food duty.

Yes, that included looking after the cream.  
Cream, the dairy product of all evil, as it would later be known.

Yuna was panicking, and Tidus wasn't helping much by trying to smooch his love as she tried to pick up the tags, so inevidably, Tidus got a nice Blizzaga right in the face.

For a few hours after that, Tidus could be seen prancing around, yelping, with an icepack on his nose.  
How can icepacks help one that has been inflicted with a Blizzaga spell, the readers ask.

But no one knows, so the fic continues.

The summoner didn't even apologise as she whisked the name tags away to put the finishing touches on the tables set outside, knocking over a vase on her way out, which led to even more chaos.

Auron slapped a hand to his forehead, wishing Yuna had never ordered him to take care of the wedding party situation in the first place.  
It was becoming quickly chaotic, and Rikku was becoming very annoyed as the cream simply refused to stay put on top of the cake - it kept falling off in large blobs and onto an already large pile of cream on the floor, where the other blobs had landed.

"Auron! How about you actually help?" she screeched, her anger getting the better of her, and she smacked the cream down on the benchtop... while the lid was off.

Cream sprayed EVERYWHERE, particually all over the nice, new, clean black carpet that Yuna had purchased and had laid down that very same day.

Also, Yuna had specifically said NO food was allowed anywhere NEAR the carpet, and she had her "I-am-going-to-eat-you-if-you-disobey-me" face on when she said it to a very pale Tidus, Rikku and Auron.

Oh boy, would the summoner be VERY unhappy when she saw this?  
Of course she would be. What good, respectable female would NOT be, is the more obvious answer to this question.

Auron could not believe his eyes!  
Well, eye.

All he could see was knee-deep cream, splattered ALL over the place and in the middle of it Rikku, standing as though she were a snowman, well, woman and wringing her hands nervously.

"Oh boy Rikku, when Yuna finds out you have left cream all over her lovely black carpet, there isn't going to be much left of you when shes finished." Smirked Auron in mock-sadness.

"What are we going to do with all this cream! Sure, the cream on the cakes fine and all, but this is cream ALL OVER THE DINING ROOM AND KITCHEN? What are we going to do?"

Auron chuckled, licking some cream off the hilt of his katana, and making Rikku shudder.

"What do you mean, what are WE going to do? I wasn't the one in charge of the cream in the first place."

Rikku glared at the older man, and as he was about to leave the mess that the fiesty blonde had made in the kitchen to herself, he felt a ball of cream whap him straight in the back of the head.

_'What a waste of good cream.'_ Rikku mused, but before she had time to muse some more, a large ball of cream smacked her in the face.

She blinked, and looked at Auron, who was currently licking the offending cream splotches off his hands.  
"Why, YOU---!"

Auron didn't even have time to react, as Rikku bowled him over, straight into the sea of cream.

Yes, the author realises the word cream has been used a lot in this fic, but she must cater to the fangirls desires.

He spluttered and coughed, as small, fruity tasting lips were pressed to his, and to his utter amazement, he for once didn't object.

_'Whos been eating more fruit than they've put on the cake?'_ the stoic guardian mused as he wrapped his arms around the young girl, all but lost in a sea of cream.


	2. Phase 2: Chocolate mousse

Strawberries and Cream  
Phase 2: The chocolate mousse  
By shadows/of/flame

* * *

The authoress decides that last chapter, Rikku had taken enough of a punishment when it came to the cream, and instead stuck her on chocolate mousse duty. 

"NO!" the readers cry, knowing the inevidable will happen.

But nothing is inevidable. Not when you have chocolate mousse.

Yet again, it was another fine morning on the eve of another wedding, this time, it was Tidus and Yunas.  
And thankfully, Tidus' nose had healed enough so it no longer looked like a huge tomato.

This time around, much to the relief of Rikku and Auron, there was no Yuna to boss everyone around, aaaand the black carpet was (mysteriously enough) missing.

The readers are not surprised at this turn of events - er, I mean, at this turn of carpet either.

Rikku was in the kitchen, expertly whipping up a nice batch of chocolate mousse to go with the fruit salad, when Lulu fell face first down the stairs.

Now, don't get me wrong, Lulu was one of good balance and posture, but today, she was not.

And yet again, chaos ensued.

The blonde girl sighed as everyone rushed to Lulu, making sure she was alright - she had only fallen face first down the stairs! She'd be fine! They were SO over reacting.

But of course, Lulu being the drama queen she was, HAD to lie down and rest before her side of the wedding preparations went ahead.

So, the kitchen (and yet again, the food) was left up to Rikku.  
Wakka ran around like a headless chicken, wondering whether or not his wife was ALIVE, and BREATHING.

_'Of course she is alive you dimwit.'_ Rikku thought to herself as she over-whipped the mousse and made it more into a thick paste. _'Otherwise she'd be dead.'_

The readers watch intently as Rikku continues to mak chocolate mousse, unable to realise just at that very momentthat chocolate mousse led to utter trouble.

Well, they would know it later.

Yet again, strangely enough - GASP! Auron waltzed into the kitchen, watching Rikkus mousse-making abilities with unusual intent and focus.

"Auron, WHY are you intently focusing on my chocolate mousse like that? It'll melt." Rikku whinged, pulling it away from his glaring eyes... er, eye.

"Chocolate mousse can't melt." he said bemusedly, looking away from the grenade target that Rikku was embedding into his forehead with her eyes.

"If I say so, it can! And if you glare at it any longer, it will!"

"Now you're being childish!"

"Stop quoting Wakka! Stupid Al Bhed haters!" Rikku exclaimed, stamping her feet on the ground like an angry child.

"AAAH!" the readers scream, running for shelter. "ANGRY CHILD ON THE LOOSE!"

Rikku glares at the readers, creating targets on THEIR foreheads AS WELL!

"I am not a child!"

"You are so!"

Auron and Rikku glared at each other, and if looks could kill, there would be a lone bowl of chocolate mousse lying on the floor, with two smoking piles of ash either side of it.

"Rikku, just give up. You ARE a child." the red coated guardian said, amusedly flicking a non existant fleck of dust off said coat.

"I'm fifteen! Thats TEENAGER to you!"

"Hmph. Kids these days."

"How many times do I have to say it! I AM NOT A KID!"

This quarreling went on for a long time, and Rikku had set down the bowl of brown goop to let insults fly at Auron with both hands.  
Yes, insults fly with hands.

Eventually, Auron had had enough of her hand flying insults, and shoved her backwards...

... Into the chocolate mousse.

"SEE! WE KNEW IT WOULDN"T END PRETTILY!"

The authoress just shakes her head, and sentences the readers to a life of reading Sin/Seymour if they didn't finish reading the story.  
Ew. A life of Sin/Seymour. That scared enough people, ey?

Rikku stood up, chocolate mousse dripping off her clothes in lumps, and Auron just gaped.

"What did you just do?" she asked in a dangerous voice suggesting she wanted to throw Auron off the nearest roof right about now, and hear him smush all over the ground at the bottom.

"I... pushed you into the chocolate mousse?"

The readers now fear for Yunas bright, white carpet, which was sitting innocently on the floor in the next room...

Well, it was sitting innocently on the floor like a white dog, until Rikku was so pissed off, that she tackled Auron, and the two went rolling into the room with said carpet sitting innocently in it, chocolate mousse stains soon covering nearly the whole surface.

Which means that the white carpet is no longer white.

Oh no. The readers fear for the pairs lives, because no doubtedly, Yuna would see the mess, and no doubtedly, Yuna would freak out at the mess they had made.

And a Yuna, right after her wedding, coming in to see her second lot of carpet ruined by exactly the same people as before, would not be a happy Yuna.

And a not very happy Yuna would not be a very happy sight to see.

For the carpet now resembled Wakkas grotesque striped bed spread.

Oh dear.


	3. Phase 3: Chocolate Mousse & plotholes

Strawberries and Cream  
By shadows/of/flame  
Phase 3: Chocolate Mousse, Part 2 

Warnings? What warnings? Only general OOCerness, WIBA, and many plot holes XD Enjoy!  
My sis helped me with this chapter as well. (tackleglomp XP)

* * *

Aaah! More chocolate mousse, the readers ask? Well, not technically… the authoress mumbles, looking over her creation with a disdaining smile. 

Yuna's and Tidus' wedding was a huge success! Only because Yuna didn't see her white and brown striped carpet from where she was kissing Tidus. It helped that her carpet was hidden behind a wall several feet away as well.

But no matter, that would soon change.

Though, the messy details were after the wedding, at the dreaded… after-party.

Dun… dun… dun…

"Someone help me!" Rikku screamed as she saw Yuna and Tidus get into the lovely airship, that Brother had spray-painted words on the back…

Just married! Yevon help them!

Auron turned to Rikku, with a false smirk painted across his battle worn face. "And why should we help you?"

Rikku started to babble in Al Bhed, before screeching, "Yuna and Tidus are going home, now – home to their brown and white carpet!"

"But… you caused it." Auron laughed. "It's your fault."

"I know!" Rikku cried. "But I don't wanna go to Yunie's funeral when she dies of a heart attack!"

Everyone had only just realised what Rikku had said, and a silencing silence erupted from the center of the room.

"THEY'RE GOING TO SEE THE CARPET!" The readers and Yunas guardians all exclaim at once, and the authoress smiles as her chaos unfolds.

Wakka was oblivious to what was happening, as he was too busy drooling at Lulus cleavage to really care, but once he was alerted to the fact that the carpet now resembled his bedspread, he just grinned.

"Something to finally match my bedspread, ya?" he grinned, and wasn't worried about the fiasco AT ALL.

This worries the WIBA (the Wakka Is Booya Association) very much, and all they can do is bite their nails in fear as Wakka does nothing. Doing nothing does NOT give you a booya status, and they all desperately wanted Wakka to have that.

In fact, if the authoress had not conjured invisible WIBA repellant sheets all around the scene, WIBA members would be hanging by their legs stuck to huge sheets of sticky stuff.

Very embarrassing, and of course, the WIBA is always looking for new members.  
Ignore the authoresses snickering.

Rikku was trying not to panic, so… she panicked. "We have to get home before Yunie somehow!" she panicked, almost setting one of the invisible sheets of repellant on fire by an not so accidental wave of her hand.

"How? We're just standing here, mindlessly arguing and panicking, surrounded by some sort of sticky material that Kimahri's stuck himself in…" Lulu muttered, and here the camera pans to a very irritated Kimahri suspended from mid air, trying desperately to get his fur out of the trap.

The authoress sniggers as she realises Kimahri is the WIBA's chairman.

The readers eyes take on a o.o look as they realise that Wakka could be cheating on Lulu. But lets just shove that TINY WEE fact under the authoresses' bed for a moment.

Rikku grabbed Auron by the arm, and the others followed them to the dock, where a speed boat fell out of a plot hole.  
The fact that Tidus and Yuna were in an airship with a destination where they just got married, or that they were already in Besaid seemed to be a huge fact that fell into the plot hole the speed boat came out of.

"This'll get us here in no time, ya?" Wakka exclaimed, and Kimahri would agree, had he not been still stuck to the WIBA repelling paper.

Another plot hole appeared, and it seemed that Auron had mad speed boat driving skillz, so everyone jumped into the speed boat, and as it was a speed boat, sped off towards Besaid. If it was a normal boat, they would have of course just boated to Besaid.

Another plot hole was involved, and after falling through it, within a few minutes, they reached Besaid. But the airship had been affected by a hole too, because it was parked dangerously close to Tidus and Yunas house, and screams erupted from Yunas house.

"We're too late." The four exclaimed, the guys hiding behind the girls as a steaming, blood red and steaming propelled out of the house.

How you can propel out of somewhere... no one knows, unless someone propelled you.

"Oh no..." the authoress mutters as the scene freezes, and a blonde girl with unnatural shining blonde hair seemed to fall out of the sky as she fell out of the sky.

"Where am I?" she mutters, and notices Tidus and Auron, Tidus having appeared from a plot hole.

"OMG ITS TIDUS AND AURON! LIEK OMG, THEY'RE IN MY FANFIC! What happens next, I'd better consult my MS handbook... OH YEAH! Fall in love with Tidus! Got it!" she says as though no one can hear her, but they all can.

Lulu and Rikku OOCerly put their hands over their ears, screaming.

"KILL IT! KILL IT NOW YUNA!" both of them yelled, and with a wave of her wand the Mary Sue vanished into the dimension where Yuna sends all Mary Sues and Marty Stus when really, utterly, annoyingly annoyed.

With the Mary Sue gone, and everyone released from their OOC moments, Yuna turned to Rikku, a very evil glare dominating her unusually glare-y featured.

"WHAT-HAPPENED-TO-MY-CARPET." she hissed, steam coming out of her ears and fire coming out her mouth at the same time.

"It was Auron." Rikku squeaked, and hid as a burst of flame came her way.

She was sooooo utterly dead.


	4. Phase 4: BDOUCTFOOTSAIFILWT, and the end

Strawberries and Cream  
Chapter 4  
By shadows/of/flame 

The last chapter... dun dun duuuuun! Enjoy guys!

* * *

After the last stack of events, and seems it was Auron and Rikkus wedding this time around, everyone feverently hoped that the WIBA was forever gone, and that there would be no more disaster involving cream, chocolate mousse or plotholes. 

But, as this is the last chapter (the authoress dodges large amounts of potatoes and other things that should generally never be thrown), there will be much chaos, much yelling and screaming and tearing of the hair, and most importantly...

...peoplethatshouldneverappearinficsbecauseitsbreakingallthedamnedrules.

Several readers pass out from reading that mushed up sentence, but a majority of them don't, and they scream wildly.

"MARY SUE! THEY CAME BEFORE, THEY'LL COME AGAIN!"

The authoress immediately, and very sadly because she hates Mary Sues, affirms their fears.

Anyway, Yuna, Tidus, Lulu, that blitzball guy, and the blue furry dude werre setting up for, you guessed it, another wedding.  
After all the other disasters with foodstuffs, Yuna had asked a Guado caterer to make and supply all the food, so no more disasters would be had with her carpet.

Speaking of which, Rikku had spent the week before her wedding selling cakes and chocolates on the streets in the sluttiest clothes ever, to pay for Yunas new carpet. Even now she couldn't live it down.

Yunas blue-and-yellow-striped carpet was far, far away, in a magical land called Besaid, where Summoners and their aeons ran free, like uni--!

"WHAT STORY IS THIS! THE BESAIDIAN UNICORN SUMMONERS?"

The authoress coughs.

All of a sudden, a girl fell out of the sky, and landed (almost) perfectly on Wakka. She had un natural sky blue hair, which Yuna thought was the result of a pretty bad dye-job, and swirly eyes like the Al Bhed. Necklaces hung like thick chains around her neck (in fact, Tidus assumed they were chains at first because of the thickness)

We would describe the shape of her face, how many strands of hair she has and things likewhat colour her underwear is, but the authoress refuses to.  
If you do not know what a Mary Sue is, please refer to the "Besaidian Dictionary Of Unnatural Creatures That Fall Out Of the Sky And Immediately Fall In Love With Tidus" for more information.

"Mary Sue: Extract of a definition form the BDOUCTFOOTSAIFILWT.  
_Ma-ree Sew; a male or female (usually female) that somehow gets sucked into their TV and falls out of the sky. They bring general OOCness with them, and afterwards, they are found by a famous person (Rikku, Yuna, whatever), and promptly fall in love with one of the canon characters, usually within 5 minutes. The canon characters lover is ignored, and the new character that fell from the sky (the Mary Sue) is usually the author/ess being too rabid a fangirl..._"

The authoress shuts the BDOUCTFOOTSAIFILWT, and looks at the readers.  
"Theres fangirl, and then theres rabid lets-stalk-Tidus'-voice-actor fangirl..."

The Mary Sue brushed herself off, apologising furiously to Wakka, who glared at her.  
"An Al Bhed. Rikku is my friend, but you are not, so I hate you."

Rikku gasped, ignoring the fact that brides are not supposed to see the groom before the wedding, for fear of bad luck.  
"Wakkas been attacked by the mythical Mary Sue! HES OUT OF CHARACTER!" she screamed, invoking general panic in the general area.

Auron and Tidus grabbed Wakka by the arms, dragging him down into Yunas basement and locking him in there with plenty of water and a strait-jacket, and everyone else tried to stay as far away from the Mary Sue, lest they too be infected.

The Mary Sue looked around for Tidus, immediately spotting him and squealing wildly.  
"Hello Tidus! I'm Mel-Anne, but you call me sweetie-pie! Just like all my other boyfriends!" she gushed, clinging onto his hand like the world depended on it.  
Tidus looked dazed, and Yuna started glaring at the Mary Sue, aka Mel-anne.

"GET-YOUR-HANDS-OFF-MY-HUSBAND." Yuna hissed, steam bursting out her ears (supplied by a very convenient plot hole).

The Mary Sue was clinging onto Tidus hand with one hand, and eating a cream cake with the other, ignoring Yuna, and the fact that Tidus was being poisoned by the MS being too close.

He started to turn blue, and by then, Yuna had enough. She took the Mary Sue by the arm, and led her through a plot hole to Besaid.  
"Come into my house, theres something I want to show you called a knife..."

The authoress looks at her watch, and notices her time of authoring is up.  
"Sorry everyone, but this has been a blast! You can all watch Yuna massacre the Mary Sue though!"

Blood splatters Yunas carpet, and even though it was ruined yet again, she didn't seem to mind.  
Wakka got over his out of characterness.  
Auron and Rikku married another day with no problems whatsoever.

And the readers smile as they EXP3CT A S3QU3L!


End file.
